A Quiet Night In

A Quiet Night In is the second episode of the first season of Inside No. 9.

Plot
Inside a large, modernist house, Gerald (Lawson) turns on Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2 and sits down to soup brought by his housekeeper, Kim (Veheary). Through the windows behind him, burglars Eddie (Pemberton) and Ray (Shearsmith) are seen. Ray enters the house, then lets in Eddie while Gerald is using the toilet. Eddie is shocked to see that the pair have come to steal an almost completely white painting. Ray starts to dismantle the painting while Eddie keeps watch; he tries to guide a Yorkshire Terrier out of the patio window, but inadvertently lets in an Irish Wolfhound. As Ray releases the wolfhound, Eddie accidentally throws the terrier into the window, so Ray stuffs the dog into an umbrella stand.

Sabrina (Chaplin) walks down the stairs, and Ray puts the painting back and hides. Sabrina turns down Gerald's music to watch EastEnders. Gerald returns, sitting away from Sabrina. He turns up his music and the pair fight over the television remote, before leaving through the patio door and arguing, though their voices are muffled. Ray cuts away the canvas and replaces it with kitchen roll. When Sabrina reenters, she unknowingly stands on the canvas. Kim picks it up, mistaking it for laundry, and heads into a laundry room as Sabrina walks upstairs. Eddie follows Kim and she sprays something into his eyes. Ray knocks out Kim and sees the canvas in a laundry basket, which is sent up a laundry chute. He runs upstairs, while Gerald remains outside. Sabrina packs a holdall, including the contents of the laundry basket. She locks the case and heads into an en suite. Downstairs, Gerald retrieves a pistol and heads back outside. Ray attempts to steal the key from Sabrina's discarded trousers and he sees that Sabrina is a trans woman. On the patio, Gerald points the gun into his mouth, as Eddie stumbles around in the lounge area, having accidentally pushed chilli peppers into his eyes. Ray hides under Sabrina's bed as she reenters the room; lying on a sex doll with both breasts and a penis, he is almost discovered. Eddie washes his face, and Gerald starts to play "Without You". Sabrina makes her way downstairs, taking the holdall's key. Sabrina and Gerald dance. Ray drags the case to the top of the stairs and meets Eddie. Gerald lays Sabrina down on the sofa, places a cushion over her face and shoots her. Gerald turns off the music as the doorbell is heard. Answering the door, Gerald sees a man (Novak) who holds up a sign reading "Hello, my name is Paul. I am deaf & dumb." The reverse of the sign reads "Do you need any cleaning products today?" Gerald heads inside and hides Sabrina's body as Paul waits. Gerald splashes his soup onto the blood and invites Paul to clean it. Ray runs down the stairs and meets Paul; he proceeds to buy rope before returning upstairs. Paul continues to clean, but sees the bullethole in the cushion, and then the suitcase being lowered outside the window. Gerald heads outside to investigate, but Eddie and Ray drop the case on his head. The burglars run past Paul and look out to see the canvas in the pool, before both being shot by Paul. Paul rings someone and says "Hello, it's me. Yeah, it's done." He looks to the fake painting, and says "I've got it right here. Yeah, it's fine. Not a peep out of anyone." He takes down the painting and walks out, as the real canvas is seen sinking in the pool.

Cast

 * Steve Pemberton as Eddie
 * Reece Shearsmith as Ray
 * Denis Lawson as Gerald
 * Joyce Veheary as Kim
 * Oona Chaplin as Sabrina
 * Kayvan Novak as Paul

Altered/Possessed Version
On October 28, 2018, a live episode called Dead Line was having difficulties with the audio, so this episode was played instead. However, in a scene where Gerald is eating his soup and the burglars are seen outside, a corpse is visible and is looking out the window. The screen then turns upside-down and the corpse starts banging on the window. Then, the episode starts and the BBC 2 announcer announces difficulties with Inside No. 9, when what is presumably the corpse takes her and possibly kills her. Then the episode stops and paranormal scenery is shown.